Yes We Can

(Unfortunately Sultan Knish is unable to post today. In his place we instead present this guest editorial from Presidential Candidate, Barack Obama)

Yes We Can Hope and Change

by Barack Obama

"For too long now
our foreign policy
the times
has been held back
by phony defeatism
I want to replace
our phony defeatism
with real defeatism wrapped
in phony optimism"

I'm really glad to have this chance to speak to you because of the great amount of misrepresentations that have been put out regarding my candidacy, particularly on this blog. I have been characterized as Muslim, which I am not. I have been characterized as opposed to Israel or supportive of terrorism, which I am not. But what gives me hope is that I understand why I am being attacked, because of hope.

A lot of people out there are afraid of hope. They are afraid of the idea that we can tackle obstacles and solve problems. They are too invested in saying, No we can't... to want to hear that, Yes We Can. But Yes We Can is exactly the answer I want to deliver tonight. Forget all the nabobs of negativity, the answer to all our problems is in these three simple words, Yes we can.

Right now many of you are concerned about rising oil prices and the established politicians say there's nothing we can do about rising oil prices. I say, Yes we can. We can do something about rising oil prices because we don't need oil to power our cars when we have hope. We don't need to address the energy crisis by changing our fuel but by changing our perspective and I say that the hope of this great nation can power cars better than fossil fuels ever can.

Some have branded my speeches as a collection of meaningless rhetoric filled with the words, Hope and Change. I say that it's time for them to change their perspective from hopelessness to hope and to believe in the hopeful power of change, again. They say that I have no real solutions to offer, I say that hope and change are the only real solutions we need.

Some people out there say that we can't resolve the War in Iraq. I say that, Yes We Can. All we have to do is surrender. Some negative people out there say that we can't surrender to terrorism. I say, Yes We Can.

For too long our foreign policy has been held back by phony defeatism. I want to replace our phony defeatism with real defeatism wrapped in phony optimism.

A lot of people say that we can't turn America from a Christian into a Muslim nation. I say, Yes We Can! And the way to do it is to hollow it out from within, just like with my candidacy.

"Some people out there say
hat we can't resolve the War in Iraq
I say that, Yes We Can. All we have to do is surrender
Some negative people out there say that
we can't surrender to terrorism

I say, Yes We Can."

A lot of people say that you can't bomb England until it implements Sharia. I say, Yes We Can! Because those are the very same people who say you can't throw acid in womens faces until they put on a Burqa and say you can't stone heretics for printing cartoons of Mohammed. But once again I say, Yes We Can!

And that, my stupid American friends, is the message I would like to leave you with tonight. I have spent enough time living in your country, watching your television and participating in your political contests to understand how you think. I have learned that you are too stupid to actually listen to what anyone says, only to the tone they say it in. So I say, Hope! and Change! and Yes We Can!

It would truly take an idiot to vote for me so I would once again like to emphasize that not voting for me proves you are a racist. It is truly time for this nation to leave behind its heritage of racism by electing a 1/4 black man for President who beat out an actual black man for his Senate seat. If you actually understood anything I said there, let me repeat again, Hope and Change. Also, Yes We Can!

And just because I am as Black as Senator Kerry is Jewish or Jay Leno is funny or Hillary Clinton is a woman, should not dissuade you from voting for me in order to appease your white guilt. Even though it was my Arab ancestors who sold those African slaves to you in the first place. Even though in the State Senate I neglected my African-American constituents and only got voted in because my white lawyers threw out the petitions of my opposing Black candidates. The important thing is, Hope and Change. Yes We Can!

So in closing when people say that they can't vote for me out of some misplaced sense of right and wrong, I would like to remind you of three words, Yes We Can!

P.S. Please don't expect me to actually pledge allegiance to your filthy country which I and my wife are properly disgusted by, just because I wish to be your President.

Allah Achbar.

Barack Hussein Obama