America and Israel Declare a Unilateral Ceasefire against Terrorism

In what human rights activists and terrorist supporters around the globe are hailing as a victory for human rights, American and Israeli leaders have announced their declaration of a unilateral ceasefire against terrorism.

In a joint statement issued from the White House and the Prime Minister's Office, the Declaration of a Unilateral Ceasefire against Terrorism began as follows,

"No longer will our societies be held hostage by the threat of terrorism. For too long terrorist attacks have forced us to respond using troops and distracting the public from its important tasks of shopping and watching television. Today we declare that we will no longer allow terrorists to undermine these two fundamental pillars of our civil society. Instead when terrorist attacks happen, we will ignore them and go back to doing whatever we were doing before."

While some military experts have questioned the strategic impact of letting terrorists do whatever they want, this decision was hailed as a great step forward in addressing terrorism.

Close Obama advisor Martin Indyk however defended the move as a "quantum leap forward in strategically addressing the problems of extremism."

"Everyone knows by now that fighting terrorism accomplishes nothing," Indyk said, in an interview with Al Jazeera. "By ignoring terrorism, we can marginalize the extremist terrorists who practice extreme terrorism while empowering the moderate terrorists who practice moderate terrorism. Soon when they see that we're letting them do kill us anytime they want, they will conclude that terrorism accomplishes nothing."

Many human rights organizations however criticized the new unilateral ceasefire as an incitement to further violence.

"This is nothing more than an attempt to continue the cycle of violence by superficially breaking the cycle of violence," said Lars Thurborg, of the organization Dhimmis for Human Rights. "A unilateral ceasefire is an arrogant step that completely ignores the demands of the terrorists. There can be no true ceasefire until the colonial powers sit down at the negotiating table and concede everything to the terrorists. Until that happens the violence will continue, regardless of this so-called unilateral ceasefire, and as a prominent human rights activist, I strongly encourage it to continue."

To underscore the message, anti-war activists wearing keffiyehs interspersed their chants of "Death to the Jews" and "Bomb New York Again", with a reading of "No Unilateral Ceasefire in Our Name", a declaration signed by leading figures in the Marxist Academic world and the British theater, many of whom were unable to attend due to having been killed in the twin bombings of the University of California Berkeley and the London Theater District.

"We do not want any unilateral ceasefires in our name," boomed deranged Marxist playwright Harold Pinter through a megaphone, despite having been dead for over a month. "The only sort of surrender to terrorism that we will accept is a true multilateral surrender that that takes into account the needs and the grievances of those who want to nail us to telegraph poles for not worshiping the same bloody deity as they do."

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton however has encouraged critics to give the unilateral ceasefire a chance. "A unilateral ceasefire is only a beginning. We can start with a unilateral ceasefire and then work our way up to a multilateral ceasefire, once the public realizes that unilateral ceasefires do not mean an end to terrorism, only an end to terrorists being killed. Step by step we can work our way toward this administration's ultimate goal, a complete surrender to terrorism and a photo op for Obama and Osama shaking hands on a surrender pact in the Rose Garden.

"Remember, Rome wasn't burned in a day. America too won't fall in a single day. Many of our comrades have been working hard toward this end all our lives. We may be lucky enough to live to see the day when the old racist American flag is finally lowered in favor of the glorious banner of a new global order, but even if we are not, we must strive to put all our efforts toward that great day."